Corruption, Lobbyism and postdoc/student positions

A while ago, I learned about a case quite curious. Someone offended a foolish little devil, or a devil playing the fool; something small, irrelevant and mosquitolike, the offender a nyaff and nudnik, a gunnif, really. The offender a public person, as it turned out. A politician, if mind serves me well. The story continued to give background to what had been read in newspapers so often; how, determined, files were obtained to prove corruption and bribery. The files were forwarded to authorities, arrests were made. End story.

Reading this, I am not in principle opposed to those acts; to gain favor can be considered parts of human nature. Confusion just arises as to the what and how. And here I intend to be a little helpful. Now, while I am not currently looking for submarines or have critical infrastructure to sell to foreign dignitaries, there have nevertheless been attempts to bribe me for the little I have to offer. For the readers perusal, I will rate some of the bribery attempts that came in material form; though in reality, I am mostly a sucker for what your mind has to offer.

And currently, I am hiring. My research interests you find in the other posts of this blog and my website, but to be honest, I am almost looking to hear something cool. So hit me up and let’s chat.

If you cannot offer ideas, the following might help (heavy sarcasm, because this is the internet). No particular order.

A (mostly) live lizard

A most transparent attempt to gain my favor by my esteemed coauthor. Nevertheless effective. RIP little fucker. I give it a perfect 5/7 lizard tails.

Lemony soap, candy, blueberry buckets and a keyboard key

A bit random, but from a person that knows me well and knows my weak points, this was more an attempt to soften my waining patience. Ineffective, cause I knew deep down I wasn’t waiting for Godot and I everything would work out. Still, 3 out of 5 cat toe beans.

Kinderschokolade and a candle

Unrelated picture of two tasteful pillows Zuzka forced me to buy because I could not find the chocolate at first

Another bribery attempt that I actually misremembered the source of. Perhaps it was an assassination attempt on my life. For you see, I lit the candle and went to thinking. Two out of five, because the remaining 3 were forever married in an unholy mess of chocolate, wax and plastic (it is not as visible, but it burned inside like a thermite charge).

This unholy abomination

I thought they were brilliant, but a group of undergrads gave me this after we spent an amazing summer doing research. I am not sure what to say. I recently discovered it flashes colorful lights if you flick the bum. If it starts to speak, I shall have to talk to my therapist about the drug-cocktail.