Not because it is easy…

and not because it is hard either.

A few years ago there was a heated discussion about diversity statements, initiated by an opinion by my friend Abby. And I felt that either way, either side missed a critical point. A quick overview: Diversity statements are a requirement that some universities, some science foundations and some companies require. Abby argued against them, some people argued for her, some against. All in all, it was kind of ugly.

And what is really the issue, the real culprit, the thief in the night, could just get away.

Because you see, universities, governments, companies etc. can say that they required a diversity statement, and they are done. That they imposed a quota for the organization or attendance of a conference, and they did their duty. Alas, the hard part, to actually enable participation, is usually not given. It is not easy for a parent to juggle childcare and studies, it is not easy for a disadvantaged person to attend a conference or workshop or university in the first place.

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What I (also) talk about when I talk about struggling

In reference to some recent posts like this, I wanted to clarify a metapoint of why I actually made the post. And there is a point besides the point of me actually struggling, or me dying to those Rune Bears or difficult exploration projects.

It is that I am aware that I am, even if a strange person, in a position of power. And as such, people look up to someone like me, whether it is with hate or admiration. I additionally have some power over my employees, what happens in my field etc. I certainly don’t feel that way, but I understand that I can be intimidating.

Hence talking about struggling is not actually only talking about struggling. It is also serves a higher objective, in that it shows it is okay to struggle, and it is ok to talk to me about struggling. I think the former is just evidently good, the latter is more subtle. But I have made the experience (on myself and others) that a struggling person in your care is still very capable of hiding, of subterfuge and of distraction, wasting much more of their time on trying to distract you with presents or niceties you than on getting better. Hence, you (as a person encountering someone struggling) may not notice anything, or think everything is fine. Especially if they are scared of you, because they perceive you as authority (even if you feel just as small yourself).

I do not make up a struggle, and you should not either. You do not have to emulate the specific struggles of your students. It can be something as simple to admitting you are struggling to understand a paper today, or have trouble figuring out a problem (not that not understanding that paper is entirely your fault). It shows those around you and under your care that you have experience with it.

And again, there is a metapoint to this post: if you are in a position of power, if you have people under your care, this might be something for you to consider. Plus you can do it from bed at 5pm while frustrasted and laying down a paper about analytic torsion (or just still snuggling).

Angles, gherkins, polytopes and a sociological experiment

Let me start by admitting that this blog is a social experiment to see how long people take to ask me “what the fuck?” (I am kidding)

(seriously though, I am always a bit of chaos. Nothing out of the ordinary, though admittedly a bit sick and depressed at the moment. Thank you and all the love for caring y’all. Love you all 😉 )

Now, on to the other stuff: At some point in my life, I was doing my PhD and being an all around useless student (I spent most of my office computer hours watching Game of Thrones and Gossip Girl; this is not to say I did not work, but I usually cannot sit in an office chair and work. I paced around outside. Honestly I feel most time was wasted because I was anxious about seeming to work and ending up watching series rather than going out and thinking my own way), my advisor PhD Günter Ziegler and I looked at a gherkin and said: this is going to make a fine math paper. Anyway, tonight I was visited by three ghosts, and they told me a tale.

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I am failing most of the time (or: ideas are better than solutions)

Recently, I asked two of my students/postdocs what they were working on. One answered, when referring to a paper we discussed together, that

“My brain is burning, melting, and hurting after day 1 of acquaintance with xxx, but it’s a really beautiful thing. Still need to play with examples to understand things better (xxx), but what a way to do induction, omg!”

which, you know, is the thing you want to hear. The second answered that he had an idea for an old conjecture that many people had been working on, essentially since the inception of the field..

I said ok (sceptically).

He told me the idea.

And suddenly it seemed possible.

Like all of a sudden you see the mountaintop in the distance, and see the real possibility of scaling it. While I will not spoiler on whether it works, I should say that this is the moment I love. Not the solution, not the feeling of being done (honestly that lasts a second, and is kind of disappointing when it is over) it is the idea I love. The moment that something goes from “impossible” to “maybe”.

And even just maybe. Most of the time, that fails. Even in the area I am supposed to be expert in, it is at least 90 percent failure. But I love the trying part, the idea part still. Not only because it leads to a solution, but because going from impossible to possible is a huge step. And you kind of owe it to the idea to try it. Because how else do you know it is worth it.

Cute monsters in the lower left corner by Titian

I don’t believe in functioning

I am a bit depressed. Probably an understatement.

I honestly am most of the time. Not as severely as others, probably, but that really should not matter. One can hardly compare in these matters.

What one can compare is, probably, the strategies of dealing with it. I often hear that one should work through it, and that just sitting down, doing your work and dealing with it helps. Or take a vacation and then come back, functioning.

But for myself, I don’t believe in functioning. I believe that the heart of every depression and anxiety is a core pattern that has to be identified and understood. And even that might not be the end. And that often needs time and thought and another person to talk to.

So that is my idea, I would guess. The problem needs logic (in the sense of analyzing the issue) and kindness (in the sense that the person needs time and warmth).

In the first aspect, it is not unlike a scientific problem. To get to the root of the issue requires making a hypothesis, testing it, discarding it. Going back to the logic of what is there that affects you, and slowly working yourself to the core issue of the problem. Just like with scientific problems, or any other (Hello Dr. House) you might have a process that helps you go through that. Whether that is writing it down, or needing another person to reflect. Just like any problem, that is often hard. Compounded here with additionally the issue that you might be in pain when doing it.

My personal go to is, to overstretch a metaphor, to find a transcendental point. To step outside from everything, and one by one add assumptions again until what pains me is found. As opposed to the process of restriction, where one closes out influences (i.e; look at simple examples first) I look at everything and try to find out the things making it tick. Either way, that process takes time.

And as with every other problem, take whatever route you need.

But I believe a core issue is there somewhere.

The secondary point is often more difficult. One needs a safety net, some time and patience. One needs a warm home while working through that issue, and that is not always the easiest. One needs the resources one needs. Try to find that place for yourself, if you are in need. And, more importantly, if you are in a position where you can give the resources, give them.

That is the somewhat asinine point of this stupid text: it feels like putting the responsibility on the person in need. It is not, of course. But the person in need is often the first person to read this.

And then, if you find that issue? Then one can try to deal with it. Sometimes in can be resolved. Sometimes it cannot. But one can live with it. However, just like you probably have that mole checked out, it is better to know the issue than to ignore it. After all, it is better to actually find out if that leg can be saved first before you write it off. And after that, you can start to cope.

Anyway, that’s my way. What’s yours?

Vampire/Love and Pain by Munch




The ballad of Max the melon

Messing around with OpenAI

Having a sick day, messing around with the OpenAI chatbot while enjoying soup.

Do you know who Mikhail Gromov is?

Yes, Mikhail Gromov is a Russian mathematician known for his work in geometry and topology. He was awarded the Fields Medal in 2010 for his contributions to the field of geometry, including his work on the structure of manifolds and the theory of groups of polynomial growth. He is currently a professor at the Institut des Hautes Études Scientifiques in Paris, France.

Do you know who Karim Adiprasito is?

Yes, Karim Adiprasito is a mathematician known for his work in algebraic and discrete geometry. He is the co-author of the book “Algebraic and Combinatorial Aspects of Tropical Geometry”, which has been recognized as a groundbreaking work in the field. Adiprasito is currently a professor at the Institute of Mathematics of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem in Israel.

Write an application letter for someone who wants to work with Karim Adiprasito as a postdoctoral researcher

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Subtlety, minimal resolutions, the value of the mystic, FromSoft, David Lynch and root polytopes

First, let me praise another excellent talk by Ayah Almousa; she presented newest work with my friend Anton Dochterman as well as Ben Smith on triangulations of root polytopes and the applications to minimal resolutions. Recall: A free resolution is a way to write a module M as a Matryoshka doll of free modules, that is, as an exact sequence

0 \rightarrow F_i \rightarrow F_{i-1} \rightarrow \cdots \rightarrow F_{1} \rightarrow M \rightarrow 0

where the F_i are free (that is, as simple as you could ever want). And whoever tried to ever studies something hard knows how valuable it is to write something in simpler terms. A minimal free resolution is just that, and a root polytope is a polytope whose vertices correspond to the root directions of a Coxeter group. Ayah surveyed how triangulations of the latter are related to resolutions of monomial ideals, and applied this to prove some new results as well as give more insightful proofs to previously known ones. Bravo, Ayah, Anton and Ben! Here is her talk.

Now to more serious business. Real serious.

Overall maidenless behaviour
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